Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Loving Kicks

Recently I have been learning a lot through pain. Mother Nature has quite literally been giving me kicks in the butt...

Firstly, my sciatic nerve got aggravated by daily climbing over a too-high fence after visits to my beehives. It was so much handier to go over the fence than the whole way round the field again even though something in me knew it was too much of a stretch. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

Then, just as the sciatic was healed through physiotherapy and I was feeling on top of the world again I slipped on some muck right on to my coccyx (tail bone). This happened as I was doing something I knew I shouldn't have been. As I sat saturated in muck I laughed because it reminded me of a scene in The Simpsons where Bart keeps going for a doughnut even though he is being repeatedly hit in the head. He just can't help himself.

Both of these pains have been excruciating at times, the coccyx one present still, but they have taught me so much I feel grateful for them.

With both I have been facing the consequences of blind behaviours, which is a very humbling and liberating experience. I have been relearning that I am not nor never will be perfect. And, as always in mindfulness practice, I have been observing what the mind can conjure to help or hinder the healing process.

So how am I being with the pain I'm experiencing now, mindfully? I am helping the healing process on a physical level by resting as much as I can, getting reflexology, taking Arnica and Hypericum homoeopathic remedies, Star of Bethlehem Bach Flower remedy, a Comfrey root compress and sitting on very soft cushions!

On an interior level, I am watching for blaming, pitying, worrying thoughts and not letting them velcro onto my mind. If they arise I let them go, smile and say some loving words to myself, 'May I be strong, May I be healthy, May I be free'. I am watching my attitude to the pain, letting my awareness permeate it and feel the heat, throbbing, tension and sharpness. I smile into the sore area with tenderness and care. I am also being aware of how the rest of my body feels very healthy and full of ease. In contrast to the pain there is a lot of bliss. And finally, I am being extra careful as I move through space, mindful of each step I take.

Every time I remember the shock of that slip onto my bum I laugh. I have been trying for years to release the unhelpful habit pattern that led to the fall and the impact of it will never leave me. I am so less likely to go for the doughnut next time...

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